Infrequently Asked Questions

A very popular thing for someone with a site to do is to answer questions from readers.  For the duration of this site I have had a total of zero questions submitted.  There are a few possible explanations for this.  Maybe I am so thorough in my writing that all of your questions are already answered.  Maybe everyone is too shy to ask me questions.  This is totally understandable, but I'm just a dude, I put my pants on one leg at a time.  Whatever the reason, I have no real questions to answer so I will make up my own.  Don't worry, these will be hard-hitting questions, no softballs.

Where do you come up with ideas for your writing?
To be totally honest, I don't come up with the ideas.  If you read closely you will see that each of my blogs is an episode of the electrifying courtroom drama Franklin and Bash transcribed verbatim.  So as long as the good folks at TNT keep cranking them out, I will always have stuff to write about.

Whose side will you take in the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes split?
Oh, what a very topical question.  Divorce is a very delicate issue and only Tom and Katie know all the details about what did and didn't happen in their marriage.  On the other hand, Minority Report was a very cool movie and I liked it alot.  So I think I will have to be on Team Cruise for this one.

Does THE Scott Grimes really follow you on Twitter?
Yes, yes he does.

How come there are so many large gaps between your blogs?
I have a Netflix queue with over 30 DVD's in it.  Those movies aren't going to watch themselves.  That coupled with my cross country trekking to follow the McRib doesn't always leave me with loads of spare time to write about 80's movies that four people even remember.

If a train leaves San Diego at 8am and travels at a constant speed of 56 kilometers per hour then why did The Sopranos have such a dumb finale?

There was no real way to top the "Johnny Cakes" storyline.  Everyone just stopped trying after that, finale included.

You never discuss real things like politics in your blog.  Why is that?
What the hell is a politics?

Do you ever plan on writing a book?
For as many people who would actually be interested in buying and reading a book that I wrote, it might just be easier to visit them at their homes and shout the material at them. So no, probably not.

If you had a signature fragrance what would it be called and what would it smell like?
I would call my fragrance Pirate's Desire.  It would smell like ham.

Who would you say is the target audience of your blog?
That's an easy one.  My target audience is one person: Clarence Jenkins who lives at 785 Oakmore Lane in Topeka, Kansas.  I will keep on writing until I get the approval from him that I desperately crave.

That seems a little creepy.
That's not really a question.

If you were on death row what would you choose for your last meal?
Golden Corral all you can eat buffet.  That way my meal would never end and I would never get executed.  LOOPHOLE!  Of course one might argue that eating Golden Corral for the rest of your life would be way worse than execution.

Are any of your answers to these questions actually true?
No, except for the Scott Grimes one.

Well I hope this shed a little light on all the things that you were never actually curious about in the first place.  My main goal was to confuse you so that there would be some real questions for me to answer in a future blog.  Until then, I have to watch me some Franklin and Bash.