This Is Jeopardy!

I was looking over the news headlines about a week ago as I like to do from time to time.  As per my usual headline scanning routine, I ignored to important ones that I should pay attention to to look at ones that are funny or ridiculous.  There was one that caught my eye: "Alex Trebek Chases Suspected Burglar."  My first instinct was that there was no possible way that that could be real.  Much to my delight, it was real.  Unfortunately, Mr. Trebek was injured, but other than that, this story was a gold mine. 

There are a number of ways I could have gone with making fun of the situation, but I decided to go a different route.  I wanted to pay tribute to the super brave Alex Trebek.  Imagine, if you will, that you turned on the television looking for something to watch and you discover a show about Alex Trebek fighting crime.  I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me that would not be the most awesome show ever.  I would call you a liar to your face.  I'm not even talking about Alex Trebek portraying a cop in a show about his character fighting crime.  I mean real life Trebek fighting real life crime.  I guess it would be like the Steven Seagal reality show that he is a cop.  And by cop I mean that by the time he has taken three to four practice tries he finally lifts himself out of the squad car just in time to sign an autograph as the real cops are wrapping things up.

I would be glued to the screen watching him bust scumbags...Trebek style.  You know he wouldn't just arrest you either.  After he has you in cuffs he would use words like "ubiquitous" and "dichotomy" so that the perps would feel like dummies all the way to the slammer.  If this show existed, it would dominate television so thoroughly that there wouldn't need to be other channels.  Even if there were it wouldn't matter.  The closest thing another network could do to compete would be to run the news around the clock.  What's the lead story?  Alex Trebek busts another bad guy.  Weather?  Mostly sunny with a chance of Alex Trebek tossing your ass in jail.  Let's go to Jimbo for sports.  It was a wild day in sports but we ended up with a final score Alex Trebek 100, criminals zip.

I suppose if it had to be a scripted show about Alex Trebek fighting crime that could work too.  First of all you wouldn't need to change the name of the show.  Jeopardy! would totally work for a show like that.  And second, go ahead and lie to me again and tell me that you wouldn't love to see Trebek in a C.S.I. kind of show.  As he rises to his feet after examining a murder victim he says, "I'm sorry you didn't phrase that in the form of a question."  Then he throws on the shades and Roger Daltrey screams, "YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  There wouldn't even need to be anything else.  After that scene, just tease next week's episode and run the end credits.  I'd never miss a show. 

Show or not, I know that ever since reading about Alex Trebek I have been sleeping easier.  My dream is the same every night.  Alex Trebek looks at me and says, "The answer is:  Not on my watch big guy."  I buzz in and say, "What is are the bad guys gonna get me Mr. Trebek?"  Then I think we go someplace to get a sandwich of something.  It gets kind of fuzzy after that, but you get the idea.