So yesterday was Valentine's day. I'm sure chocolate and flowers were exchanged. Candlelit dinners were enjoyed. And so on and so forth. The other thing I am sure happened was that you read through 1001 Valentine's day gift guides. I browsed some of them and as I suspected, there was nothing original again this year. So I decided to do something truly helpful. I am putting together a gift guide for the day after Valentine's day. Maybe yesterday came and went without any gift exchange. Maybe yesterday was a busy day and you had a lot on your mind. Maybe you were watching your stories and lost track of the day. Well whatever your reason, you forgot Valentine's day and this gift guide with help you with your romantic redemption.
The first item in my forgot Valentine's day gift guide is the leftover candy grab bag. As any last minute shopper knows, they start breaking down the Valentine's day candy display at about 7am on Valentine's day to make way for the Easter candy, So if you go into a store on the 15th looking for pink and red candy hearts, have very low expectations. All that will be left at this point will be the nastiest of the nasty candy. Think black licorice nasty. Quantities will be small and selection will be nonexistent so you may need to check several stores. The best place to look is at a drug store. They are dependent of selling every bit of inventory so it's possible that you will still find Valentine's candy in late March. Since this collection of misfit candy will more than likely contain none of her favorites it is best to go with quantity. Depending on the lateness of your gift it is safe to go with two pounds of gross candy for everyday after the big day.
The next item on the list may be a little hard to come by but will definitely get you off the hook for forgetting Valentine's day. You need to get yourself a 1985 Delorean, preferably one with a flux capacitor. Switch your time circuits on, set the date for February 14th, floor that bad boy to 88 miles per hour, and get your butt to the store to purchase a gift. There is a very large degree of difficulty on procuring a gift like this, but it will be well worth it. You have a potential do over for every Valentine's day, anniversary, or birthday that you just can't seem to remember.
There is one final item on my list February 15th gift ideas. If you totally forgot that yesterday was Valentine's day there is a very good chance that your significant other is angry with you. In order to repair this rift in your relationship it will require a grand gesture. And of all grand gestures, there are only two that are guaranteed winners. The first is a full on cupid costume. Were talking loin cloth, tiny wings, pink bow and arrow. You have to go the full monty on this one or it just won't work. The beauty of this is that it is a two pronged approach at redemption. Not only will you be showing her that you actually do care, you will be totally degrading yourself in the process. The other sure fire grand gesture is to hold a boom box above your head and play a Peter Gabriel song. For those of you keeping score at home that is two references to 80's movies in today's blog. Although it is not a necessity for this second method, having the actual John Cusack hold the boom box outside your lover's window would be a really nice touch.
So I hope these ideas are helpful in getting you out of the doghouse for forgetting Valentine's day. Maybe if you treat her right the other 364 days of the year it won't be such a big deal if you don't celebrate a made up romantic holiday. Just sayin'.
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