Well we are only a couple weeks away from the 437th annual Academy Awards. I'm sure everyone already has their Oscar ballots filled out and are all flustered putting their last minute touches on their Oscar parties. What kind of sad group of individuals even has an Oscar party? I would imagine it's the same kind of people that go all out for Arbor Day. This year's ceremony will be hosted my James Franco and Anne Hathaway. Of course we all remember James Franco as the lovable pot dealer Saul in "Pineapple Express" and Anne Hathaway as the lovable Princess Diary in "The Princess Diaries". I suppose they are fitting hosts since James Franco is nominated for an Academy Award and Anne Hathaway also does films. I'm sure this year will be a lot of the same. There will be a red carpet. I'm never really sure what constitutes a good dress or a bad dress. I think it has something to do with the amount of visible swan you have on your dress. Guys never make the best and worst dressed list because they all wear the same thing, a black tux. Yeah, maybe Billy Bob Thornton will mix it up a little and wear a bolo tie, but they're all the same. There will be the obligitory song and dance number. I don't know this for sure, I'm just kind of taking it for granted there will be one. It's kind of like a Lindsay Lohan relapse. You don't want it to happen, but you know...you just know.
Well just in case you haven't made your Oscar picks yet, here are some of mine. I don't mind you using them as a cheat sheet because if you actually fill out an Oscar ballot, there are no real winners. Lets start with Best Picture. This is the second year they are using the field of 10 nominated movies making this category the NBA playoffs of the Academy Awards. I didn't actually see the movie, but I am going with "Black Swan". It has everything a great movie needs: ballet, creepy face paint, and hopefully actual swans. The next category is Best Actress. This is a tough one as there are many talented women nominated this year. So when in doubt, go with the Dawson's Creek alum. That is why I am picking Michelle Williams in "Blue Valentine". Moving on we have the Best Actor category. This is a no brainer. I am going with Colin Firth. As everyone knows, it is required by Hollywood that you must love Colin Firth. I've never seen a Colin Firth movie and probably couldn't pick him out of a lineup, but I just know I'm supposed to pick him for best actor. I used some unconventional logic for my Best Supporting Actress pick. I chose Amy Adams in "The Fighter". I say unconventionl logic because instead of judging by strength of performance I looked at her next movie role. There is something bizarre that happens when an actor or actress wins an Oscar. They usually appear in something ridiculous for their next movie. You can next see Amy in "The Muppets", coming this fall to a theater near you. I don't know a lot about the men in the Best Supporting Actor category as I have seen none of their nominated movies. There is John Hawkes, Jeremey Renner, Christian Bale, Geoffrey Rush, and Mark Ruffalo. Let's see, did any of them previously portray Batman? Yes, Christian Bale has played Batman twice, we have a winner.
So these are my picks, take them or leave them. If you happen to tune into the Oscar broadcast, good for you, just don't bore me with how insulting it was that the orchestra played Carrot Top off during his moving acceptance speech. In order to put things into perspective about how meaningless the Academy Awards and their ceremony is I will leave you with this. Ben Affleck, Lionel Ritchie, and Eminem all have Oscars. Sylvester Stallone has been nominated twice (which he says is an honor just to have been nominated). It's true, Google it.
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