I know what you are thinking. That this post has a really long title and that is an indication of its epicness. Well you are half right, this post does have a really long title. Speaking of titles, our profile of greatness spotlights the 1991 sequel to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles titled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II. The reason that we are not talking about the original film is that this was one of the rare cases that the sequel was superior to the original film. I will attempt to illustrate why this was the case with the following arguments.
The first thing that makes this a great movie is brought to our attention immediately. I am, of course, talking about the opening title sequence. For no particular reason it is a montage of the good people of New York City (or actors portraying the good people of NYC) eating pizza. It starts off innocent enough, but then ventures into the silly. There is a scene of a cop handcuffed to a perp and the cop is smashing an oversized slice of New York style thin crust into his gullet. This would never happen in real life. And yes, before you ask, I do realize that I am questioning the authenticity of a movie that features turtles that carry swords and kick people. I really loved how they knew that the movie was so good that they attempted to bring it to a screeching halt before it really started just to show that is was so good it would overcome.
The second thing that makes this movie better than the first one was the lighter mood. The first one had a very dark feel and had characters that were brooding. Part two kept pace with a joke or awful pun once every 8.7 seconds. It was nice that sometime between parts one and two someone took it to the side and reminded it that is was a movie about ninja turtles and to stop taking itself so seriously. So for the sequel they ditched the raw and gritty for the bright and cheery. And it's a good thing too because I am a guy who likes his turtles bright and cheery.
The name of the movie says it all, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In the history of cinema there cannot be more than 10 movies made that feature people in ridiculous animal costumes that practice martial arts. Outside of the Ninja Turtle movie series there may not be any at all. I say when you are given a glorious combination like that you enjoy it to the fullest. I know that maybe turtle masks and martial arts may sound like a strange combo, but I am willing to bet people told Mr Reese the same thing when he thought of chocolate and peanut butter together in a delicious cup. And those people were wrong....dead wrong.
My final point is really the cornerstone of my argument of this movie's superiority. Not just over the original film and the other lame sequels, but over 95% of all other movies ever made. That point consists of just two words: Ninja Rap. The climax of the movie had our heroes battling other large mutants and venturing into a night club. At this particular club, one Vanilla Ice was doing what was sure to be a sold out performance. After the initial shock and fear of seeing battling super mutants Mr. Ice begins to find the turtles funky and fresh. This inspires him to an impromptu performance of rapping and dancing known forever as "Ninja Rap." Vanilla Ice later trashed his cameo in the movie and called it the low point of his career. In response to that I say, "Yo Ice have you seen 'Cool as Ice', that is one God awful movie." For that matter let's look at his smash album "To The Extreme". Can anyone here name two songs on that album that weren't Ice Ice Baby? Show of hands? Anybody? So maybe we can cool it on pooping on a performance that delighted millions of kids and megadorks like me.
So there you have it folks, another profile in cinematic greatness. A wonderful film that covers the gambit of pizza, turtles, ooze, rapping, and ninjaing. Unfortunately many will write this off a kid's movie with no substance. But if you look deeper it is much more. It is a kid's movie with no substance that has a Vanilla Ice cameo. You have to enjoy the little things people.
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