Travel Do's And Don'ts

There comes a time in every person's life when they must leave the confines of their house, apartment, hut, '78 El Camino, or what have you.  I am, of course, talking about travel.  This is done for a variety of reasons such as a vacation or model railroad enthusiast convention (not for the faint of heart, believe you me).  Here are a few tips when you find yourself out of the house and flying the friendly skies.  Yes, these tips will only apply to air travel (unless your car is awesome).  Road trips will be covered at a later date (date to be determined by my procrastination).

DO allow yourself extra time at the airport so that you can make your flight.  That's just good sense.
DON'T allow so much extra time that people think you are living at the airport like in that awful Tom Hanks movie.

DO pack light.  The less you pack the less there is for baggage handlers to rummage through.
DON'T skimp on the underpants when packing light.  Here's a handy equation to determine the number of pairs needed:  U = D + 2 where U is the number of pairs of underpants and D is the number of days in your trip.  Why the + 2?  Simply because there is nothing quite like a fresh pair of underpants.  You probably thought I was going to go gross there, but I didn't.  You're welcome.

DO stop at the duty free and purchase a massive Toblerone candy bar.  You never know when the foundation to your home will need a little shoring up.
DON'T gloat that you didn't pay duty every time you pour your friends a shot from your 3 gallon jug of Absolut vodka.  Nobody likes a bragger.

DO inform friends and loved ones that you have arrived at your destination safely.  It is the courteous thing to do.
DON'T update Facebook and Twitter at every stage of travel.  Going through security.  Plane is taking off.  Air Marshal is tasering me because I refuse to turn off my electronic device.  Almost done with my overly thorough cavity search, etc.

DO your homework before you visit a new place.  When you wait until you arrive and ask for travel advice from a cab driver with whom you share an obvious language barrier you can't get angry when they take you to a back alley unsanctioned chess tournament.
DON'T eat a bunch of Taco Bell Gorditas and call it doing your homework before going to Mexico for the 1st time (feel free to insert your own joke with the "authentic" ethnic eatery of your choice).

DO store your carry on items in the overhead compartments.
DON'T store your carry on items in the overhead compartment above my seat.  It is my overhead compartment and if any of the 38 collectible kitten figurines that I will not travel without are damaged from you jamming an oversized bag in next to mine, I WILL cut you.

So if you want to have a fantastic, worry free trip, make sure to take note of the tips provided.  Or don't, and have a crappy trip.  Your call.